Hello again. A small update. Four months of intensive chemotherapy and radiation, I feel like writing again. Let me correct myself. I feel like blogging again. I have been writing the past few months. I have had my laptop with me during chemo, but I just haven't felt like blogging. I didn't want to share the pain, but at the same time, I was aching everyday for someone to share it with. Anyone. Someone. Save for a few fellow patients, family, and a handful of friends, I have not shared feelings with many people. Loneliness is dark. Pain is even darker. Self-pity is the darkest, and thankfully, I did not visit. My thoughts and feelings are tucked away in journals, on my hard drive, and a written back up.
Autumn is my favorite time of year. The changing of the leaves and the landscape. I love the magical beauty that precedes the death of the leaves. A bright orange pumpkin, fresh from the patch, carved into a spooky face or a child's vision of art, the flickering glow of a lighted candle inside. Hardy mums in shades of crimson, maze, and aubergine, just before the first frost sends them into despair. All of the beautiful colors of the season, at their peak, before they fade away, once again.
This season reminds me of my life at the moment. I feel as if my color faded a few months too early. However, now I can rest. Refresh and rebuild until the next change of season.
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